If you ever have trouble asking for what you want, saying no to others, or giving direct feedback, then you may be suffering from that most common affliction – insufficient assertiveness. Here are three simple tips to help you be more assertive.
- Notice what happens when you aren’t assertive: you either sacrifice your own needs and wants in favour of someone else’s (passive) or you get what you want at the expense of other people’s desires (aggressive). When you express your wishes whist being considerate of someone else’s, that is assertive: a win-win.
- If you need someone to do something differently, phrase it in terms of the new behaviours that you believe would help and the benefits that those behaviours might bring. Avoid judgemental language.
- In your mind’s eye, step into someone else’s shoes and imagine what they see and hear when you are not assertive, and how they might interpret those behaviours. Is that how you wish to be perceived? Assertiveness ensures other people’s confidence in your confidence.
Step up and ask for what you want!